School, Yay!

Kids are finally back in school..

As a parent, I'd like to ban summer vacation - three months of idle kids.. I know, teachers need the time off (although I'd be unhappy to not get paid 3 months of the year) and I know kids need unstructured time to develop their creativity and obviously there are summer camps (being paid 3 months of summer, I should be able to afford that)..

but sometimes I wonder.. I remember summers filled with cousins, playing with stones or marbles... school for that matter was not very taxing.. spent a good part dreaming. So, what is the matter with summer here?

Have kids inherently changed so much that they are somehow different now? I doubt it..
Has society changed that it is more an indoorsy life for kids..? yah.. partly true, but not quite..
Working parents..? my parents worked too..
Displaed kids not finding enough company at home..? not quite true..
Worrying parents? or rather worrying parent..? there is some truth to that I suspect. I don't seem to like children wasting time-so to speak. They should either be productivly (sp?) involved in either studying, making friends, playing sports etc.. to the point where unstructured play has a certain value in its quality..

hmm.. not sure I've pinned it down yet.

The kids are alright.. repeat, The kids are alright!!

Managing Anger -Parenting by example

The best way to help children manage anger is for parents to set an example. Every time a parent gets angry at another, children watch and imitate when the time comes.
I used to ask the children to do a chore or particular work repeatedly and then slowly the decibel level rises. I soon noticed my older son doing the same with his brother. I would count down to get them to start their work (sometimes with clenced teeth). Sure enough, I see the kids doing the same one day.
So we sat and talked. My younger one, who expresses himself very well most times, told me that he didn't like it when I shouted or when I counted. So.. we came to an agreement that I would not raise my voice, nor count and that they would remind me when I started to.
Now.. "it's don't make me raise my voice" or "you are starting to raise your voice".. I've noticed that my kids also stopped raising their voices.

Driving!

Another favorite subject at our house with my older son.. Started a few years ago with comments like "Only 7 more years before I drive".. "When can I sit in the front seat.. on the driver's side?" "Can I drive in the school parking lot on weekends?" (the last when he was still in elementary school).
Another one: "Do I have a say in what kind of car we get? After all I'm going to be inheriting it!" (Yeah!!)
Recently one warm summer day -I'd volunteered to help out at the swim team banquet.. went in earlier to drop off my cooler -ended up staying to help - rushing home to get the kids and grandma to the banquet .. to get back in time to my duties I'd signed up for.
When we got to the car, grandma realizes she left something at home and had to go back.. when my 13 year old piped up..
Amma, you are late - you go on in.. I'll take paati home.
It was tempting, but I realized it'd be a long walk esp for grandma.. so I go.. "you can't walk there with paati, and back"..
for which he replies.. "No, I'll just drive home and be back in a few minutes".. just like that!
Another gentleman had just pulled up beside us and he started laughing when he heard my son's words.
I was confused thinking I should let the gentleman know that I don't, never would, let my 13 year old drive and also trying to come up with a suitably acid response to my son's "matter-of-fact" tone.
I managed to come up with a weak "Nice Try"!! guiltily...

summer

This summer has been up and down for us. We were all very very busy the first part with swim team 6 days a week and summer away camps.. I spent hours on the pool deck waiting, timing, driving kids to away meets -all that a dedicated mother would do.
Soon camps ended, swim team was over.. I heaved a sigh of relief, thinking I could finally work normal hours instead of leaving before I was fully awake in order to get back in time for activities. Packed weekends with hikes and tent camping activities.
The kids were left to their own devices during the week.. with me working from home now and then.
The kids would wake up sometime between noon and 2pm. Then play Wii (kindly loaned to us by my sis) and PS2 and then some PC. I got super tired of this within a few days. Computer is duly locked up and PS2 put away. Kids then stayed in bed until about 2-3 reading.. then played some wii.. I/dad started taking them out to play pool, tennis, bowling, pingpong...in the evenings. tiring after a day at work, but better than having to put up with Attitude after a laazzy day.
I'm really looking forward to first day of school. next year, i hope to read this post and shell out the dough for all summer camp or send them away on a vacation ;) so I can spend the time pining for them.

Over-scheduled kids Part II

alright, this is part II because I realized I'd veered off the article I was citing.. totally.. So, getting back on track..

The news article talked about the number of AP classes the kids of overachieving parents were taking in high school and in college - and the types of colleges these kids were getting into. These kids were into multiple sports such as swimming, lacrosse, tennis, holding down babysitting and other jobs, volunteering, playing in chess leagues and getting homework/projects done for challenging classes - at the cost of a few less hours of sleep. The kids thrive on a full schedule, with parents participating in peripheral support activities. All towards gaining a foothold in an ivy league school, where they'll have to slog even more.

This hits a raw nerve for me.. My kids are not in High school yet.. but my 7th grader has some HS credits already. And I've been told that he needs to take AP classes in HS in order to secure a place in a good school. I know I don't want to spend $$$$ towards college tuition.. so my preference would be for him to get at least part scholarship. And, I definitely can see myself wanting him to go to a good school -though I dont really know how to discern this having studies abroad.

But, I know this, my older son did not do well in a magnet program in 4/5 grade, esp in 5th grade, a year he missed a lot of school due to family reasons and the curriculum was so rigorous that he never made up the classes he missed. And he felt a lot of pressure from other overachieving kids in his class, not because he was any worse or better, just because he did not want to do the level of work to compete with them. He is much happier in a regular middle school in 6/7th grade with a heavier schedule that some others.. He does not get straight As, but loves to learn and pushes himself to do better. He learns around his subjects, gaining depth, taking time to explore, make mistakes, learn from his mistakes. He does push me in the sense he wants to do so much. Yes, that does put him into the "overachieving" bucket, but I feel this is different.. He doesn't target his activities towards his chosen track.. but rather enjoys challenging himself, be it in sports or puttering around making tasers from wood and nails, sewing pillows for foot rest or cooking tv dinners for the family. And he does volunteer at an animal shelter because I wouldn't let him have a pet at home..
There are days I search myself to see if I am somehow doing damage in the long term.. I urge him to get 8 hours of sleep each day at the very least and limit his sport to one team sport and swimming for exercise. I almost never sit down w/ him for homework or even monitor his tests/assignments. But we do get busy with two kids doing the music/sports/homework and the younger one in scouting.
Is this justified? Sanity check.

Over-scheduled kids Part I

Recently read an an article in the local paper about over scheduled kids (guess it's that time of the year when colleges are picked and course load is determined).
I've always been bothered by this aspect, sitting on the fence. Morally, it bothers me that the only sports my children play are team/league oriented sports. Yeah, and occasionally some playtime in the community pool or shoot a few hoops. But this is definitely not the norm in our house. A game of frisbee tends to get boring if it is caught or if it gets thrown with abandon.
Our kids are in one team sport per season and one individual sport/activity. Plus music lesson, one instrument each.. some TV time, homework time.. lots of reading (biweekly treks to the public library).
This has also resulted in my kids not getting involved in a clique (sp?) - used to be not too unhappy with the situation since they can stay out of trouble.. some kids apparently get into due to not involving themselves in afterschool activities (heresay).
And since these kids don't go out everyday, they are unable to just go out and play when they can with the clique kids.?
Whenever they approach some of their friends from school on the evenings they are free, their friends are busy with their activities -with literally no overlapping free time.

Motivating your children

I recently got some advice from an experienced mother whose children are now grown up and successful in life.
Her words to me were as follows (paraphrased):

• Do not spend all your time managing your children. There is no end to it and you are not doing anyone any favors by this. Do your part and let your children do theirs. In her case, she would leave to do some volunteer work on weekends leaving her children with chores or schoolwork, which she expects to be done when she gets back. The children have the freedom to schedule their time accordingly.
• Do not spend time nagging your children to do their work. If you limit their work to two activities and emphasize education, everything will get done and your children will not be a "jack of all trades.. master of none".
• It'll all work out. You only have to provide the motivation and encouragement.

Definitely made me think... I will try to:

• treat my pre-teen and teen as individuals who need guidance and motivation. (I feel sometime we end up treating colleagues and neighbors better than we treat our own kids)
• allow my kids to express their needs and let them schedule their work (help with the scheduling maybe)
• give my children the opportunity to show they can motivate themselves
• definitely expect more from my children (self motivation) from now on.. without being disappointed if they don't do as much as I'd have liked them to do.

The last sentence will need to be rewritten someday to clarify. A disconnect between my thoughts and the words - guess I need to think this through some more.