A small matter of trust

As a parent, do you trust your child? If yes, how much? Do you give them the room to explore and grow..?

obviously, we are not talking about extreme cases of endangerment.. specifically, teenagers like to explore and have a say in what they do. It is so hard to trust that your child will do the right thing. But I feel it is the right thing to let your child arrive at a decision, giving them the room to explore, make mistakes etc.

thoughts?

Joys of motherhood

I've never somehow been happy with my hairstyle -the length, to bob or not to bob.. whatnot.
I go really traditional, and long to have really long hair. At some point it turns scraggly on me and I chop it all off -get away with this under the guise of donating my hair to cancer patients..

I was in one of those moods. Guess things weren't working out like I wanted or maybe I was bored or depressed and really wanted a Change (notice the capital C?)

I take it out on my hair - have the hair dresses chop it all off to a what used to be known as boycut.. even though the hairdresser thought it was too much hair off at one time..

So I get back home and walk in as if stuff is really normal.. my head is lighter after all!
My younger son, about 3 that that time looks at me strangely for a little while.
Finally he walks up to me and asks:
"Are you my mother?"

such innocence - lifted me straight out of my moody self! indeed one of the joys of motherhood.

On Authoring

A friend recently suggested that I should read Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni. My brain OD'd on Bengali authors, discarded the suggestion.. Got home to start yet another bengla writer converstation.. But curiosity got the better of me and I did go out and read a book of CBD in one sitting..
But wait a min, this is a parenting blog.. so what's the deal?
Well.. my younger son happened to see the book (Sister of my heart) on the table and he said he knew what the book was all about. The book had a small pic of two indian women on the cover.
He went on fabricating a story -eerily close to the orignial globally speaking - but then asked permission to inject some unrealistic fiction into the story (Thanks to schools for the nomenclature) and the story took on a familiar tone of alchemists and monsters.
There may be some hope for Tamilian (Am-Tam) authors in English -in the near future:)

School, Yay!

Kids are finally back in school..

As a parent, I'd like to ban summer vacation - three months of idle kids.. I know, teachers need the time off (although I'd be unhappy to not get paid 3 months of the year) and I know kids need unstructured time to develop their creativity and obviously there are summer camps (being paid 3 months of summer, I should be able to afford that)..

but sometimes I wonder.. I remember summers filled with cousins, playing with stones or marbles... school for that matter was not very taxing.. spent a good part dreaming. So, what is the matter with summer here?

Have kids inherently changed so much that they are somehow different now? I doubt it..
Has society changed that it is more an indoorsy life for kids..? yah.. partly true, but not quite..
Working parents..? my parents worked too..
Displaed kids not finding enough company at home..? not quite true..
Worrying parents? or rather worrying parent..? there is some truth to that I suspect. I don't seem to like children wasting time-so to speak. They should either be productivly (sp?) involved in either studying, making friends, playing sports etc.. to the point where unstructured play has a certain value in its quality..

hmm.. not sure I've pinned it down yet.

The kids are alright.. repeat, The kids are alright!!

Managing Anger -Parenting by example

The best way to help children manage anger is for parents to set an example. Every time a parent gets angry at another, children watch and imitate when the time comes.
I used to ask the children to do a chore or particular work repeatedly and then slowly the decibel level rises. I soon noticed my older son doing the same with his brother. I would count down to get them to start their work (sometimes with clenced teeth). Sure enough, I see the kids doing the same one day.
So we sat and talked. My younger one, who expresses himself very well most times, told me that he didn't like it when I shouted or when I counted. So.. we came to an agreement that I would not raise my voice, nor count and that they would remind me when I started to.
Now.. "it's don't make me raise my voice" or "you are starting to raise your voice".. I've noticed that my kids also stopped raising their voices.

Driving!

Another favorite subject at our house with my older son.. Started a few years ago with comments like "Only 7 more years before I drive".. "When can I sit in the front seat.. on the driver's side?" "Can I drive in the school parking lot on weekends?" (the last when he was still in elementary school).
Another one: "Do I have a say in what kind of car we get? After all I'm going to be inheriting it!" (Yeah!!)
Recently one warm summer day -I'd volunteered to help out at the swim team banquet.. went in earlier to drop off my cooler -ended up staying to help - rushing home to get the kids and grandma to the banquet .. to get back in time to my duties I'd signed up for.
When we got to the car, grandma realizes she left something at home and had to go back.. when my 13 year old piped up..
Amma, you are late - you go on in.. I'll take paati home.
It was tempting, but I realized it'd be a long walk esp for grandma.. so I go.. "you can't walk there with paati, and back"..
for which he replies.. "No, I'll just drive home and be back in a few minutes".. just like that!
Another gentleman had just pulled up beside us and he started laughing when he heard my son's words.
I was confused thinking I should let the gentleman know that I don't, never would, let my 13 year old drive and also trying to come up with a suitably acid response to my son's "matter-of-fact" tone.
I managed to come up with a weak "Nice Try"!! guiltily...

summer

This summer has been up and down for us. We were all very very busy the first part with swim team 6 days a week and summer away camps.. I spent hours on the pool deck waiting, timing, driving kids to away meets -all that a dedicated mother would do.
Soon camps ended, swim team was over.. I heaved a sigh of relief, thinking I could finally work normal hours instead of leaving before I was fully awake in order to get back in time for activities. Packed weekends with hikes and tent camping activities.
The kids were left to their own devices during the week.. with me working from home now and then.
The kids would wake up sometime between noon and 2pm. Then play Wii (kindly loaned to us by my sis) and PS2 and then some PC. I got super tired of this within a few days. Computer is duly locked up and PS2 put away. Kids then stayed in bed until about 2-3 reading.. then played some wii.. I/dad started taking them out to play pool, tennis, bowling, pingpong...in the evenings. tiring after a day at work, but better than having to put up with Attitude after a laazzy day.
I'm really looking forward to first day of school. next year, i hope to read this post and shell out the dough for all summer camp or send them away on a vacation ;) so I can spend the time pining for them.