Over-scheduled kids Part II

alright, this is part II because I realized I'd veered off the article I was citing.. totally.. So, getting back on track..

The news article talked about the number of AP classes the kids of overachieving parents were taking in high school and in college - and the types of colleges these kids were getting into. These kids were into multiple sports such as swimming, lacrosse, tennis, holding down babysitting and other jobs, volunteering, playing in chess leagues and getting homework/projects done for challenging classes - at the cost of a few less hours of sleep. The kids thrive on a full schedule, with parents participating in peripheral support activities. All towards gaining a foothold in an ivy league school, where they'll have to slog even more.

This hits a raw nerve for me.. My kids are not in High school yet.. but my 7th grader has some HS credits already. And I've been told that he needs to take AP classes in HS in order to secure a place in a good school. I know I don't want to spend $$$$ towards college tuition.. so my preference would be for him to get at least part scholarship. And, I definitely can see myself wanting him to go to a good school -though I dont really know how to discern this having studies abroad.

But, I know this, my older son did not do well in a magnet program in 4/5 grade, esp in 5th grade, a year he missed a lot of school due to family reasons and the curriculum was so rigorous that he never made up the classes he missed. And he felt a lot of pressure from other overachieving kids in his class, not because he was any worse or better, just because he did not want to do the level of work to compete with them. He is much happier in a regular middle school in 6/7th grade with a heavier schedule that some others.. He does not get straight As, but loves to learn and pushes himself to do better. He learns around his subjects, gaining depth, taking time to explore, make mistakes, learn from his mistakes. He does push me in the sense he wants to do so much. Yes, that does put him into the "overachieving" bucket, but I feel this is different.. He doesn't target his activities towards his chosen track.. but rather enjoys challenging himself, be it in sports or puttering around making tasers from wood and nails, sewing pillows for foot rest or cooking tv dinners for the family. And he does volunteer at an animal shelter because I wouldn't let him have a pet at home..
There are days I search myself to see if I am somehow doing damage in the long term.. I urge him to get 8 hours of sleep each day at the very least and limit his sport to one team sport and swimming for exercise. I almost never sit down w/ him for homework or even monitor his tests/assignments. But we do get busy with two kids doing the music/sports/homework and the younger one in scouting.
Is this justified? Sanity check.

Over-scheduled kids Part I

Recently read an an article in the local paper about over scheduled kids (guess it's that time of the year when colleges are picked and course load is determined).
I've always been bothered by this aspect, sitting on the fence. Morally, it bothers me that the only sports my children play are team/league oriented sports. Yeah, and occasionally some playtime in the community pool or shoot a few hoops. But this is definitely not the norm in our house. A game of frisbee tends to get boring if it is caught or if it gets thrown with abandon.
Our kids are in one team sport per season and one individual sport/activity. Plus music lesson, one instrument each.. some TV time, homework time.. lots of reading (biweekly treks to the public library).
This has also resulted in my kids not getting involved in a clique (sp?) - used to be not too unhappy with the situation since they can stay out of trouble.. some kids apparently get into due to not involving themselves in afterschool activities (heresay).
And since these kids don't go out everyday, they are unable to just go out and play when they can with the clique kids.?
Whenever they approach some of their friends from school on the evenings they are free, their friends are busy with their activities -with literally no overlapping free time.

Motivating your children

I recently got some advice from an experienced mother whose children are now grown up and successful in life.
Her words to me were as follows (paraphrased):

• Do not spend all your time managing your children. There is no end to it and you are not doing anyone any favors by this. Do your part and let your children do theirs. In her case, she would leave to do some volunteer work on weekends leaving her children with chores or schoolwork, which she expects to be done when she gets back. The children have the freedom to schedule their time accordingly.
• Do not spend time nagging your children to do their work. If you limit their work to two activities and emphasize education, everything will get done and your children will not be a "jack of all trades.. master of none".
• It'll all work out. You only have to provide the motivation and encouragement.

Definitely made me think... I will try to:

• treat my pre-teen and teen as individuals who need guidance and motivation. (I feel sometime we end up treating colleagues and neighbors better than we treat our own kids)
• allow my kids to express their needs and let them schedule their work (help with the scheduling maybe)
• give my children the opportunity to show they can motivate themselves
• definitely expect more from my children (self motivation) from now on.. without being disappointed if they don't do as much as I'd have liked them to do.

The last sentence will need to be rewritten someday to clarify. A disconnect between my thoughts and the words - guess I need to think this through some more.

I am not who I want to be!!

Here's how the conversation went one morning at the breakfast table:

S: My friend B is allowed to play PS2 everyday, while we (his bro and him) are only allowed in summer and school break. It's unfair!!

Me: Well, your buddy C does not own a PS2.

S: Well I am not C!

Me: Well you are not B either!

S: But you see, I want to be B, but you won't let me! You are trying to make me someone I am not!

Big bro A: Exactly! Me too! you are making us someone who we are not!

Launcher book

I was casually skimming through a book when a sentence caught my attention. The author mentions that an individual's love for reading stems from one or two books. This can happen in various stages of life -from childhood to adulthood. Got me chewing my lip..
I can definitely think back to the first books I've read and enjoyed so much that I had to keep reading the entire series. My launcher books would be Enid Blyton's Famous Five series. Growing up I used to absolutely loathe history until I started reading Tintin and Asterisk comics.
My older son's launcher book was The Foot Book by Dr.Seuss. In fact, I can still remember all the words in order!. He also loved a four box set of the Busytown books by Richard Scarry esp., the Firefighter's Busy Day.
As for my younger one, he never let us read to him as a baby, would grab the book out of our hands and make up a story from the pictures. But one day he discovered Tintin and Asterisk. He was hooked! Now he is a voracious reader, appreciating the difficulty in reading Huck Finn in original, willing to work at it.
Comic Book to Classics is not an impasse. I still long for an Banana sundae a la Archie comics while reading Breton - although I do not really like the complicated tastes in a sundae nor the complicated images in Breton (hopefully my prof is not reading this!).
To me this illustrates how serendipitious reading can be. As parents, we can only expose the children to a variety of books and let the children take it from there.

Reading and writing

Back from a long break. After a tough class, I almost swore off of reading and writing. But old habits die hard. I've written on many topics just in my head, now that I sit down to blog, I have memory loss. Guess I didn't put it on autosave ;)
Anyhow.. school's winding down here. Summer reading begins. We always diligently sign up at the local library for summer reading, but so far have never filled out the log -obviously nothing to turn in. Why not? you ask..
My kids have never willingly written anything. They love to read and I've been able to discuss with them some of the few I've also read, but when asked to write, it will somehow get set aside. At school, most assignments have a scoring rubric. The older one follows it to the T! "It only says two sentences, you know! no extra points for an extra sentence!".
My lecture that a rubric is a helpful tool to help cover all important aspects of the topic is met with a silence from the sofa - the kids have long disappeared at the beginning of my sentence!
So, I gave up. My excuse, writing is to put down original thoughts on a subject. Children do not have enough experience to draw from their frame of reference to write about a book. They may enjoy the work, but do not have much to say about it.
Plus today's writing in a business world is all powerpoint using bulleted entries anyway..
Sour grapes?

Children Learn What they Live

The parent Checklist made me think of this poem. I first read this poem posted on the fridge at one my friend's house several years ago. I really liked the words in it. It is often difficult to remember to follow, but the words make a lot of sense.

Children Learn What They Live

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn what envy is.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient.

If children live with encouragement, they learn to be confident.

If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to find love in the world.

If children live with recognition, they learn to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn to be generous.

If children live with honesty and fairness, they learn what truth and justice are.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those around them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn that the world is a nice place in which to live.

If children live with serenity, they learn to have peace of mind.

With what are your children living?

-Dorothy L. Nolte