I borrowed some parenting books for some tips and tricks to stay ahead of the game.. I found a coupla neat ideas.. I bide my time and one morning I spring it on my older one..
He goes.. wait a minute, you know I read that book too. Maybe you shouldn't leave your aces lying around you know!
oh well. at least he knows I'm trying.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Funny incident
My 14 yr old's phone is out of commission.. he borrows mine occasionally when he needs it. I come home to get back my phone and see three missed calls from my younger one.. So I ask him why/what he needed me for etc..
he goes.. well you didn't answer! It went to your voice mail twice then the third time a man with a deep voice answered.. So I just hung up.
As it turns out, he was calling from upstairs, answered by my computer-playing don't disturb me older one.. Man with a deep voice indeed!
he goes.. well you didn't answer! It went to your voice mail twice then the third time a man with a deep voice answered.. So I just hung up.
As it turns out, he was calling from upstairs, answered by my computer-playing don't disturb me older one.. Man with a deep voice indeed!
Friday, September 11, 2009
Reading with a teen
when kids are little, parents read to them. (some parents read to their yet unborn child hoping to catch em young).. I did not start on the cloth books, but did do the Dr.Seuss routine (I can still recite the foot book and the green eggs and ham!).. followed by some other board books such as Richard Scarry's busytown books and curious george.
One day my son figured out he could read for himself. Empowered, he devoured the books we had around and started picking out his own books. At that point, I stepped aside and one day soon I did not know what he was reading. I vaguely remember seeing Junie B Jones, magic tree house, star wars, captain underpants.. japanese cartoon books, pokemon, yugioh, manga etc.
Along came Harry Potter - a big book. I read part of book to my kid until he figured out when you can read, you can read any book. Since then I have not interfered with my kids' reading. The younger one picks up any book off the shelf and reads parts of it to see if he is interested.. and abandons if it does not hold his interest.
Recently one day, I realized that I do not read to my kids anymore.. or interact with them on the matter of books.. mainly because I have no interest in reading Brisingr or other monster books. So i picked up one of my older son's books and started reading it. This led to a discussion on the book that I felt was rather productive. Soon, the younger one comes up to me and hands over Ender's game, a book he has read 20 times and says "This is a good book; I suggest you read it"!
Sound familiar? I thoroughly enjoy reading the books my kids picked out for me because I am their mother and also because they benefit from the ensuing conversation - even if they lead it... since they've read other books in the series. More power to them!
One day my son figured out he could read for himself. Empowered, he devoured the books we had around and started picking out his own books. At that point, I stepped aside and one day soon I did not know what he was reading. I vaguely remember seeing Junie B Jones, magic tree house, star wars, captain underpants.. japanese cartoon books, pokemon, yugioh, manga etc.
Along came Harry Potter - a big book. I read part of book to my kid until he figured out when you can read, you can read any book. Since then I have not interfered with my kids' reading. The younger one picks up any book off the shelf and reads parts of it to see if he is interested.. and abandons if it does not hold his interest.
Recently one day, I realized that I do not read to my kids anymore.. or interact with them on the matter of books.. mainly because I have no interest in reading Brisingr or other monster books. So i picked up one of my older son's books and started reading it. This led to a discussion on the book that I felt was rather productive. Soon, the younger one comes up to me and hands over Ender's game, a book he has read 20 times and says "This is a good book; I suggest you read it"!
Sound familiar? I thoroughly enjoy reading the books my kids picked out for me because I am their mother and also because they benefit from the ensuing conversation - even if they lead it... since they've read other books in the series. More power to them!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Funny
Unfortunately this has to be in tamil.. apologize to those non-speakers of tamil.
My aunt's little girl (about 2 years old then) called her uncle saying:
LG: ai! inga vaa da
My aunt: Don't say that. mariyaadaya pesanum!
LG: ok! ai! mariyaadaya inga vaa da!!
Now.. I am not making this up! nejum! kids do say the darnedest of things.
My aunt's little girl (about 2 years old then) called her uncle saying:
LG: ai! inga vaa da
My aunt: Don't say that. mariyaadaya pesanum!
LG: ok! ai! mariyaadaya inga vaa da!!
Now.. I am not making this up! nejum! kids do say the darnedest of things.
teenage
Can one say enough about this phase? I remember thinking to myself what a hype the "teen" phenomenon is.. and that my kid would not exhibit any of these dire predictions. After all, I don't remember having a particularly hard teen-time. Boy was I wrong..
I remember struggling with authority starting at around 13 years of age.. mostly me treating the kid still like a non-teen.. making decisions without consulting - after all 13 year old habit is hard to break. I remember getting upset when my plans were discarded just because.. I remember asking everyone who cared to listen "why the rebellion?" - seemed so unnecessary and self defeating. Tug of wars.. slammed doors.. random tears.. moodiness.. binge eating.. is this what the teen is all about!
Earlier, when the kid got into a fit, I gave him a timeout to get over it.. Now, I started the same technique, varying it only slightly in that when the kid got into a fit, I gave myself a timeout. When there was a willful act of "teen 'mis' behavior", I went shopping.
Then one day things started to click in my brain. What is happening is the need for more independence.. more involvement in decision making.. while at the same time, testing limits/rules that have been set for years to see if there would be consequences. Teen time is a time to hang out with their own friends, not children of parents' friends, not in a group of parents and children (which is ok once in a while).
What I've learned so far is to wait out an outburst, while being firm on rules. If rules get broken, do not bring up the topic right away, but wait until the child is relaxed and is able to listen to you. Believe it or not, the child knows very well that the rule is being broken and will only get more defensive if it is brought up at the time and may result in deterioration of the situation. Patience, a lot of patience on the part of the parent will get you through your kid's teen years. Helps if you are really busy with something else other than the child as the primary focus. Now would be a great time to take up your favorite hobby!!
I remember struggling with authority starting at around 13 years of age.. mostly me treating the kid still like a non-teen.. making decisions without consulting - after all 13 year old habit is hard to break. I remember getting upset when my plans were discarded just because.. I remember asking everyone who cared to listen "why the rebellion?" - seemed so unnecessary and self defeating. Tug of wars.. slammed doors.. random tears.. moodiness.. binge eating.. is this what the teen is all about!
Earlier, when the kid got into a fit, I gave him a timeout to get over it.. Now, I started the same technique, varying it only slightly in that when the kid got into a fit, I gave myself a timeout. When there was a willful act of "teen 'mis' behavior", I went shopping.
Then one day things started to click in my brain. What is happening is the need for more independence.. more involvement in decision making.. while at the same time, testing limits/rules that have been set for years to see if there would be consequences. Teen time is a time to hang out with their own friends, not children of parents' friends, not in a group of parents and children (which is ok once in a while).
What I've learned so far is to wait out an outburst, while being firm on rules. If rules get broken, do not bring up the topic right away, but wait until the child is relaxed and is able to listen to you. Believe it or not, the child knows very well that the rule is being broken and will only get more defensive if it is brought up at the time and may result in deterioration of the situation. Patience, a lot of patience on the part of the parent will get you through your kid's teen years. Helps if you are really busy with something else other than the child as the primary focus. Now would be a great time to take up your favorite hobby!!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
hmm. a grain of truth!
My younger was going on a field trip to Philly.. I happened to be at the library and figured I'd pick up a book on philly, the liberty bell etc. This turned out to be one of those rare instances where the cup met the lip.. Shankar and I read the book together, which, I found fascinating also.. to see how the rights we enjoy in America really came about and the enterprising and public spirited tenacity of the folks then.
About two days later the little guy left on his field trip and I questioned him on his return as to how it was and if he learnt a lot etc. more pointedly, "Did reading about all the background help you understand/learn more" to which he says:
"amma, what we makes sense for business. for me, learning about all this earlier only made the trip even more boring because they told us about what I had already read."
"So next time we should maybe not preread.."
hmmph!
About two days later the little guy left on his field trip and I questioned him on his return as to how it was and if he learnt a lot etc. more pointedly, "Did reading about all the background help you understand/learn more" to which he says:
"amma, what we makes sense for business. for me, learning about all this earlier only made the trip even more boring because they told us about what I had already read."
"So next time we should maybe not preread.."
hmmph!
Friday, May 8, 2009
child abuse?
took me a while to write this because I was haunted by the scene.. Am I over reacting or being unusually sensitive. you be the judge. All I know is it hit a sensitive nerve in me.
Scene is a metro station in DC. It was after rush hour and spring break in some parts of the country. Several tourists with little and not so little children.
I see two families with 4 children ranging from ages say 5-9 traveling together. The board reads that a train is due to arrive in 5 minutes. The children are curious and go near the edge to peer over. They are within the safety line demarcated by officials visually.. so really speaking safe for the moment unless they lunge forward.. or do something stupid.
The parents ask that the children step back.. and they do. but one little girl (about 6) does not. The mother then tells her that she only has to say something once and that she would have to teach the girl to obey. She yanks the little girl by her hair and pulls her to the adults.
The girl is then seen silently crying hiding behind the father. The father looks helpless. Yes, it must have hurt to be yanked like that, but what really hurt the little girl is being treated like that, losing face in front of strangers, friends or cousins or whoever.. I guess the father took the easy way out rather than stand up to his kid!! I know mothers are worried, stressed etc etc.. but wasn't there a better way to get the kid to be near you. After all, you are only about 2 feet from the kid!
The scene is imprinted in my brain, serving as a lesson for me to not yell or treat my children badly over anything, especially stupid things like grades, homework, dawdling.. God knows they are kids for only a short time!
Scene is a metro station in DC. It was after rush hour and spring break in some parts of the country. Several tourists with little and not so little children.
I see two families with 4 children ranging from ages say 5-9 traveling together. The board reads that a train is due to arrive in 5 minutes. The children are curious and go near the edge to peer over. They are within the safety line demarcated by officials visually.. so really speaking safe for the moment unless they lunge forward.. or do something stupid.
The parents ask that the children step back.. and they do. but one little girl (about 6) does not. The mother then tells her that she only has to say something once and that she would have to teach the girl to obey. She yanks the little girl by her hair and pulls her to the adults.
The girl is then seen silently crying hiding behind the father. The father looks helpless. Yes, it must have hurt to be yanked like that, but what really hurt the little girl is being treated like that, losing face in front of strangers, friends or cousins or whoever.. I guess the father took the easy way out rather than stand up to his kid!! I know mothers are worried, stressed etc etc.. but wasn't there a better way to get the kid to be near you. After all, you are only about 2 feet from the kid!
The scene is imprinted in my brain, serving as a lesson for me to not yell or treat my children badly over anything, especially stupid things like grades, homework, dawdling.. God knows they are kids for only a short time!
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