Unfortunately this has to be in tamil.. apologize to those non-speakers of tamil.
My aunt's little girl (about 2 years old then) called her uncle saying:
LG: ai! inga vaa da
My aunt: Don't say that. mariyaadaya pesanum!
LG: ok! ai! mariyaadaya inga vaa da!!
Now.. I am not making this up! nejum! kids do say the darnedest of things.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
teenage
Can one say enough about this phase? I remember thinking to myself what a hype the "teen" phenomenon is.. and that my kid would not exhibit any of these dire predictions. After all, I don't remember having a particularly hard teen-time. Boy was I wrong..
I remember struggling with authority starting at around 13 years of age.. mostly me treating the kid still like a non-teen.. making decisions without consulting - after all 13 year old habit is hard to break. I remember getting upset when my plans were discarded just because.. I remember asking everyone who cared to listen "why the rebellion?" - seemed so unnecessary and self defeating. Tug of wars.. slammed doors.. random tears.. moodiness.. binge eating.. is this what the teen is all about!
Earlier, when the kid got into a fit, I gave him a timeout to get over it.. Now, I started the same technique, varying it only slightly in that when the kid got into a fit, I gave myself a timeout. When there was a willful act of "teen 'mis' behavior", I went shopping.
Then one day things started to click in my brain. What is happening is the need for more independence.. more involvement in decision making.. while at the same time, testing limits/rules that have been set for years to see if there would be consequences. Teen time is a time to hang out with their own friends, not children of parents' friends, not in a group of parents and children (which is ok once in a while).
What I've learned so far is to wait out an outburst, while being firm on rules. If rules get broken, do not bring up the topic right away, but wait until the child is relaxed and is able to listen to you. Believe it or not, the child knows very well that the rule is being broken and will only get more defensive if it is brought up at the time and may result in deterioration of the situation. Patience, a lot of patience on the part of the parent will get you through your kid's teen years. Helps if you are really busy with something else other than the child as the primary focus. Now would be a great time to take up your favorite hobby!!
I remember struggling with authority starting at around 13 years of age.. mostly me treating the kid still like a non-teen.. making decisions without consulting - after all 13 year old habit is hard to break. I remember getting upset when my plans were discarded just because.. I remember asking everyone who cared to listen "why the rebellion?" - seemed so unnecessary and self defeating. Tug of wars.. slammed doors.. random tears.. moodiness.. binge eating.. is this what the teen is all about!
Earlier, when the kid got into a fit, I gave him a timeout to get over it.. Now, I started the same technique, varying it only slightly in that when the kid got into a fit, I gave myself a timeout. When there was a willful act of "teen 'mis' behavior", I went shopping.
Then one day things started to click in my brain. What is happening is the need for more independence.. more involvement in decision making.. while at the same time, testing limits/rules that have been set for years to see if there would be consequences. Teen time is a time to hang out with their own friends, not children of parents' friends, not in a group of parents and children (which is ok once in a while).
What I've learned so far is to wait out an outburst, while being firm on rules. If rules get broken, do not bring up the topic right away, but wait until the child is relaxed and is able to listen to you. Believe it or not, the child knows very well that the rule is being broken and will only get more defensive if it is brought up at the time and may result in deterioration of the situation. Patience, a lot of patience on the part of the parent will get you through your kid's teen years. Helps if you are really busy with something else other than the child as the primary focus. Now would be a great time to take up your favorite hobby!!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
hmm. a grain of truth!
My younger was going on a field trip to Philly.. I happened to be at the library and figured I'd pick up a book on philly, the liberty bell etc. This turned out to be one of those rare instances where the cup met the lip.. Shankar and I read the book together, which, I found fascinating also.. to see how the rights we enjoy in America really came about and the enterprising and public spirited tenacity of the folks then.
About two days later the little guy left on his field trip and I questioned him on his return as to how it was and if he learnt a lot etc. more pointedly, "Did reading about all the background help you understand/learn more" to which he says:
"amma, what we makes sense for business. for me, learning about all this earlier only made the trip even more boring because they told us about what I had already read."
"So next time we should maybe not preread.."
hmmph!
About two days later the little guy left on his field trip and I questioned him on his return as to how it was and if he learnt a lot etc. more pointedly, "Did reading about all the background help you understand/learn more" to which he says:
"amma, what we makes sense for business. for me, learning about all this earlier only made the trip even more boring because they told us about what I had already read."
"So next time we should maybe not preread.."
hmmph!
Friday, May 8, 2009
child abuse?
took me a while to write this because I was haunted by the scene.. Am I over reacting or being unusually sensitive. you be the judge. All I know is it hit a sensitive nerve in me.
Scene is a metro station in DC. It was after rush hour and spring break in some parts of the country. Several tourists with little and not so little children.
I see two families with 4 children ranging from ages say 5-9 traveling together. The board reads that a train is due to arrive in 5 minutes. The children are curious and go near the edge to peer over. They are within the safety line demarcated by officials visually.. so really speaking safe for the moment unless they lunge forward.. or do something stupid.
The parents ask that the children step back.. and they do. but one little girl (about 6) does not. The mother then tells her that she only has to say something once and that she would have to teach the girl to obey. She yanks the little girl by her hair and pulls her to the adults.
The girl is then seen silently crying hiding behind the father. The father looks helpless. Yes, it must have hurt to be yanked like that, but what really hurt the little girl is being treated like that, losing face in front of strangers, friends or cousins or whoever.. I guess the father took the easy way out rather than stand up to his kid!! I know mothers are worried, stressed etc etc.. but wasn't there a better way to get the kid to be near you. After all, you are only about 2 feet from the kid!
The scene is imprinted in my brain, serving as a lesson for me to not yell or treat my children badly over anything, especially stupid things like grades, homework, dawdling.. God knows they are kids for only a short time!
Scene is a metro station in DC. It was after rush hour and spring break in some parts of the country. Several tourists with little and not so little children.
I see two families with 4 children ranging from ages say 5-9 traveling together. The board reads that a train is due to arrive in 5 minutes. The children are curious and go near the edge to peer over. They are within the safety line demarcated by officials visually.. so really speaking safe for the moment unless they lunge forward.. or do something stupid.
The parents ask that the children step back.. and they do. but one little girl (about 6) does not. The mother then tells her that she only has to say something once and that she would have to teach the girl to obey. She yanks the little girl by her hair and pulls her to the adults.
The girl is then seen silently crying hiding behind the father. The father looks helpless. Yes, it must have hurt to be yanked like that, but what really hurt the little girl is being treated like that, losing face in front of strangers, friends or cousins or whoever.. I guess the father took the easy way out rather than stand up to his kid!! I know mothers are worried, stressed etc etc.. but wasn't there a better way to get the kid to be near you. After all, you are only about 2 feet from the kid!
The scene is imprinted in my brain, serving as a lesson for me to not yell or treat my children badly over anything, especially stupid things like grades, homework, dawdling.. God knows they are kids for only a short time!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
excuses of a poet
Poetry assignment requires the child write 10 peoms. This is classwork done over a period of time. By the end of the quarter, my 5th grader submitted 4 peoms. Teacher is disappointed and asks why this happened, to which he just shrugs. So, the teacher sends me an email and I ask my son why he did not respond to the teacher.
He just shrugs. By then I am frustrated also trying to delve into the root of the problem.
I then say to him "you should have some excuse.. you ran out of time or.. a writer's block..."
He: "yeah, I ran out of time, ok?"
Me:"Understood! if you gave me that excuse after doing 9 or 9.5 poems, great! not with just 4!"
He: Mmm. how about a "poet's block?" Will you accept that?
I gave up! go figure!
He just shrugs. By then I am frustrated also trying to delve into the root of the problem.
I then say to him "you should have some excuse.. you ran out of time or.. a writer's block..."
He: "yeah, I ran out of time, ok?"
Me:"Understood! if you gave me that excuse after doing 9 or 9.5 poems, great! not with just 4!"
He: Mmm. how about a "poet's block?" Will you accept that?
I gave up! go figure!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
copyright infringement indeed
I had to write this down before I forgot. My younger son, a 5th grader, is an avid reader, but, when it comes to his writing skills, there is plenty of room for improvement. It is not bad, but it takes him a long time to write neatly. And teacher from school would like him to work on his writing due to a recent incident with an incomplete poetry project.. (another story in itself).
Anyway, I decide it is high time I implement the handwriting task I've been threatening him with all these months. So, willy nilly, at 1015pm, we sit down after finding a fresh notebook. I said I'd dictate while folding the laundery -killing two birds in one so to speak. Then I had a brainwave, "let's do the book you're required to read, that way, we can kill three birds in one!!" I said. The said book was not to be found anywhere.. After about 15 minutes of searching, we finally find it and sit down again at 1040pm. He is super sleepy by then and I am sleepier still.. But, I am also determined.
I bring out the laundery and start dictation. After about 4 sentences, my younger son asks, "amma.. isn't it illegal to copy out of a copyrighted book? I think it is called copyright infringement or something." Nice Try Mister.. were I not so tired, I'd have laughed and hugged my son, not just barked out that "we are not trying to sell the first 4 lines of the book, please get on with it." or somthing to that effect.
I did give him a break though! He wrote down a couple more sentences and we both went to bed happy to have at least made the attempt.
Anyway, I decide it is high time I implement the handwriting task I've been threatening him with all these months. So, willy nilly, at 1015pm, we sit down after finding a fresh notebook. I said I'd dictate while folding the laundery -killing two birds in one so to speak. Then I had a brainwave, "let's do the book you're required to read, that way, we can kill three birds in one!!" I said. The said book was not to be found anywhere.. After about 15 minutes of searching, we finally find it and sit down again at 1040pm. He is super sleepy by then and I am sleepier still.. But, I am also determined.
I bring out the laundery and start dictation. After about 4 sentences, my younger son asks, "amma.. isn't it illegal to copy out of a copyrighted book? I think it is called copyright infringement or something." Nice Try Mister.. were I not so tired, I'd have laughed and hugged my son, not just barked out that "we are not trying to sell the first 4 lines of the book, please get on with it." or somthing to that effect.
I did give him a break though! He wrote down a couple more sentences and we both went to bed happy to have at least made the attempt.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Power of a label
Took a while, but it finally hit us. The pull of name brands. When my older son was little, his pediatrician told us to indulge him w/ name brand shoes since they would minimize his slight outward turn of his feet. He mentioned that that was one area where we'd want to give in to pressure. My thoughts then, what pressure.. ? my kids wear what I buy.. maybe girls were more demanding.
Well, finally my older son asked for a northface jacket.. I normally buy their clothes at target or kohls. So, I thought I'd take a look at nf. The jacket he wanted was so ordinary.. lands end had a better deal for a better jacket. Excitedly, I showed him the "winter sale".. But no, he wanted nf, even tho' we couldnt really find his size. The biggest kids jacket would be a tad bit too small on the wrist. "You know, I need to be able to stand up to other kids with their nice clothes etc" "I can't be the worst dressed in the entire class" (all this when newspapers are full of articles about how teachers are funding some of the kids' weekend meals.. and I can personally attest to the tripling of prices of groceries in our area!)
Anyways, I buckled in after a couple months of negotiating.. I wanted to order from an online vendor.. But no, apparently these online vendors sold jackets that were fake.. the proof was that the logo was only on the front, not front and back!! the only place to go was to nf.com.. (more $$$) "now you know why this other site is offering it for a discounted price!"
I stood my ground, promising to return a single faced logo jacket. When it came, my son tried it on -once.. it was too short on the wrist as we predicted. And it had two logos!! "Aw.. I can't wear that!".. alright.. now I have to do an RMA to return the stupid jacket!
when little brother (smarty pants) pipes in "you should've known it was fake when it said "Northface" on both sides" Shouldn't it have said "Southface on one side and Northface on the other?"...
oh well there are some light moments to parenting after all.. how else can a parent come out of this experience still loving their children!
Well, finally my older son asked for a northface jacket.. I normally buy their clothes at target or kohls. So, I thought I'd take a look at nf. The jacket he wanted was so ordinary.. lands end had a better deal for a better jacket. Excitedly, I showed him the "winter sale".. But no, he wanted nf, even tho' we couldnt really find his size. The biggest kids jacket would be a tad bit too small on the wrist. "You know, I need to be able to stand up to other kids with their nice clothes etc" "I can't be the worst dressed in the entire class" (all this when newspapers are full of articles about how teachers are funding some of the kids' weekend meals.. and I can personally attest to the tripling of prices of groceries in our area!)
Anyways, I buckled in after a couple months of negotiating.. I wanted to order from an online vendor.. But no, apparently these online vendors sold jackets that were fake.. the proof was that the logo was only on the front, not front and back!! the only place to go was to nf.com.. (more $$$) "now you know why this other site is offering it for a discounted price!"
I stood my ground, promising to return a single faced logo jacket. When it came, my son tried it on -once.. it was too short on the wrist as we predicted. And it had two logos!! "Aw.. I can't wear that!".. alright.. now I have to do an RMA to return the stupid jacket!
when little brother (smarty pants) pipes in "you should've known it was fake when it said "Northface" on both sides" Shouldn't it have said "Southface on one side and Northface on the other?"...
oh well there are some light moments to parenting after all.. how else can a parent come out of this experience still loving their children!
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