Light moments...

When my then 3 year old accosted a policeman, who was smoking near the tot-lot saying: "Mr.Policeman, you are setting a bad example for us. Smoking is bad for health". The policeman hastily put down his cigarette to which, our citizen responded : "Now you are going to cause a fire!"...

First b'day party for my older one. His parents and grandparents are busy with guests. He is hungry.. He grabs some milk from his bag and starts drinking after carefully putting down the trinkets he has collected on a chair behind him. My uncle decides to play a trip on him and grabs his trinkets and hides them. After a few minutes, my son turns around and finds his trinkets gone. He goes up to my uncle (who's smirking now) and tells him "Put it back". My uncle still tells us this story..

My younger son (maybe 5 then?) at a family Thanksgiving gathering asks my cousin's (american) wife: "Are you my mom's colleague?".

I bring S (then 3) to work with me one day.. He follows me all over. Colleagues talk to him and he answers their questions politely. We meet an Indian colleague who predictably asks him his name.. S appears confused.. He loudly whispers to me "Amma, is he Indian?".. I just answer for him and hustle him on.. Later, I demad to know why he questioned me like that, to which he replied.. I didn't know whether to tell him my name the indian way or the american way. And he works with you, so he must be american, right.. I had to give me kid a hug then!

Lost opportunities

This is winter break for schools. DC metro is filled with parents and grandparents bringing their wards to visit museums or other attractions. On my way home from work, I noticed three different parenting styles which made me chew my lip and slap myself some..
A family with a 9-10 year old boy.. The boy appeared well behaved, albeit on the heavy side. He was asking how much longer the ride was.. his parents were noncommittal.. you'll see, at the end of the line and so on..
A second family with three little girls come in.. noisy but well behaved.. the older two children started playing rock, paper, scissors with the mother.. but were not keeping track of their scores. (math lesson?)
The boy wanted his parents to play with him.. his mom said.. she didn't want to because he was too good and that she would lose! Really! Dad wanted the boy to be quiet..
Enter family#3 with a boy and a girl.. the girl is hyperactive and the boy is trying to imiate his younger sister. Family one looks at family #3 with raised eyebrows scornfully.. Family #3 kids have the same question.. when are we going to get there.. The mom pulls out a metro map and has the kids track the progress..
I remember car rides when I would answer we get there when we get there or something equally silly. Recently, I printed out a google direction sheet for the back seat and let the kids help navigate. I realized they need to know the scale of the trip.. progress..
Questions from kids, even if they are irritating, are opportunities for us parents to teach them or learn from them as in my case.. I resolved that I would take every question from my kids with some level of seriousness and take the opportunnity to communicate something of value.

12 year old child

Well.. we decided to take advantage of the xmas break to take the kids skiing. We were going to leave on 22nd and be back on 24th in time for christmas eve when santa can still finish wrapping and fill stockings in time for opening gifts on the 25th.
Just before we left, we found that the PA ski slops north-west of NYC were closed due to a noreaster creating high wind conditions. In order not to lose the hotel reservations, we ended up rebooking to a closer location for the 23rd night and 24th night. That way, we'd leave late 23rd afternoon, sleep in and start skiing early 24th morning at 8am. The slopes were open on Xmas day until 10pm. We were planning to leave by 8pm or so.. so we'd be back in time for work the next day.
Anyway, as I was loading the car on the 23rd.. A checked his stocking and told his brother that Santa would have filled it by the time we came back. I thought to myself, that it was nice of A to tell his brother that even thought S knew about Santa. We left..
On the way back on 25th nite, the kids were fast asleep in the back.. tired from all the action. I suggested that D drop me off and continue around the neighborhood for about 5 minutes, while I do my wrapping and stuffing. But as luck would have it, the kids both awoke as we got off the highway.. They recognized the road we were on as being close to home and stayed up the remainder of the way.. D suggested that he and kids pick up some dinner for us, which they vetoed, saying they wanted to open their presents..!
A and S ran up to their empty stocking and looked under the tree totally disappointed. A even said, "Santa was all fake", ran up to his bed crying!
I'm thinking to myself.. "What the..! Don't they know!".. Shankar followed his brother.. I stuffed their stockings quickly.. dumped the unwrapped gifts under the tree.. and called them down.. saying "look Santa left stuff in the garage".. they didn't budge still crying..
I was miserable too.. D said that they were tired and would be ok..
and so the next morning.. both were up early downstairs.. waiting for us to come down and tell them whose was whose.. I told A that I'd ordered his snowboard by mail in early december and that it got stuck in Canadian customs. S says, but I thought it comes from North pole..! A says.. I don't care.. I am happy I got something!
They are both my babies after all!

Motivation

If you've read the post titled "Guns", you know the quandry I am in. At one point, my 12 year old says.. "will you buy me an airsoft (or is it airshot?? I don't remember anymore, but I am going to call it airsoft since I find it a better word!) if I get straight As in all 4 quarters. Now there are some kids who can easily do that.. but it is a struggle for my 12 year old. So, if he pulls it off, it would be a big achievement. I demur...
Well, Christmas and my younger ones's scouting trip to the BB gun target shooting range changed all this. He started asking for the airsoft for Christmas. I felt pushed without the "hope that he would miss at least one A to resolve my problems" (I know.. what kind of mom wants her son to bring in a B rather than an A..? one pushed in a corner).
So.. I counter with "Well, what happened to straight As in all four quarters?" to which he replies..
"Amma, you are not the only one who wants me to get straight As! Don't you think I Want it as well? I am working hard in order to get straight As for myself, so that I can get into a good college with scholership and I can bank or invest all the money you would have spent on my education!"
Motivated kid or a convincing argument..?
Have to chew on this one to figure out how to dodge this air pellet!

Guns

A has been asking for an Airshot rifle for a little while. He used one in India on the beach to shoot balloons a few years ago. We've managed to deflect it until now. It surfaced again.
Now that he is in middle school, he friends have BB guns and they let him try it out. He tried to make a deal with us. He said if he were to to straight As this quarter, would we be willing to buy him a remington airshot rifle. I reacted badly to the remington, but D said he would chew on it to buy some time.
But the very next day, we found out that S was going to go BB gun target practice with his cub scout, now that he is a webelo (almost boy scout).
A comes up to me and asks what I got him for Xmas -I said "nothing", not wanting to get into a discussion. He then asks if I would give him money for xmas, $68 of which he would use towards purchasing the rifle -which he would share with his brother and he would be responsible and not take it anywhere without our permission. Plus the remainder of the cash he would share equally with his brother etc.. He even roped S's neck with his arm, a little roughly..
Well, if you know A, this is totally out of character. Him sharing anything, let alone his rifle, with his brother. He doesn't share a libray book after he has read it with his brother!
I'm afraid this is opening a can of worms, like D says "this is gun country"
confusion clears.. My initial gut reaction is right and I am going to stand by it.

Vedeo Game Playing

Video Game playing is becoming almost a joke in our house. The moment we get irritated with the kids, we take away their privileges, which means we take the controls and hide them. The rule is that they can only play an hour or two on the weekends, but if we don't say anything there is no stopping them. The last weekend in November, they played all day, virtually non-stop. So I them that they have played enough to cover December so they won't be able to play this month.

Needless to say, they were not too happy. My older son comes to me - knowing that we are anxious for him to get his grades up, and says, "Mom, now that we have lost the PS2, I really don't feel I have anything to motivate me to do my work." At this point, I wasn't sure whether to burst out laughing or to go into a lecture, so of course I did both. What ever happened to the motivation of actually receiving a good grade? I have to appreciate their creativity for trying to get it back - though some what misguided. They eventually relented and don't mention video games anymore. I imagine that will change in January.

As for motivation, video games is a lousy idea, at least in our house. Any time we have a "carrot" for completing their work, the kids usually end up rushing through their homework and are very reluctant to receive feedback for corrections.

bathroom reader

Kids! why do I always feel guilty?
This one is about a book worm.. I know I was one of those growing up and a sleepy head to boot. My mom poured a kodum of water on my head one morning.. really! I guess I drove her to it!

my dear husband is another book worm. So, I guess the kids are genetically inclined. But, my genes seem to have changed. The younger one loves to sleep and read (laughing out aloud to himself). But he has so little time to complete homework, practice violin and do his kumon that the school mandated 20 minute reading a day to complete his writing exercise does not let him enjoy the book.
And he shuts himself in the bathroom and reads! This morning he was in bathroom for over an hour reading. Came out just in time to leave for school. He knew he didn't have time for breakfast and, so he says "I'm not hungry, let's leave"! And sure enough, his book is hidden in his laundry basket.. One is also found among the bag of spare toilet paper rolls!!
I can almost hear others say "That's a good thing! Let him read!" I know there are worse things to complain about and I feel guilty.. but I also bar him from checking out too many books from the library because "he will read every one of them"! Hmmpt!

School veggie Lunch ideas

We had an earlier post on this topic. Am starting a new one to combine all lunch ideas in the main post. I will edit this list to add to list. One can look this over before grocery shopping on on stressful mornings.

1. Peanut butter with or without jelly sandwich
2. English muffin with omlette or with orange marmalade
3. Bagel veggie/plain cream cheese
4.Veggie wrap in tortilla
5.Red potatoes and asparagus baked olive oil and spices
6.tortellini with tomato sauce
7. left-over chinese
8. left-over pasta shells with ricotta
9.left over maincotti/lasanga
10.grilled cheese sandwich
11.potato bhajjis (send extras for friends)
12. idlis cut up into pieces - rolled in sugar and ghee
13. pocket pita with veggies - fresh or quickly sauteed
14. Pasta salad with italian dressing
15. Pasta with grape tomatoes and fresh basil
16. Pasta with pesto of spinach/basil or basil/pine nuts
17.spaghetti with tomato sauce
18.Veggie muffins (not sweet) -never tried it.
19. Mini idlis
20.Idli batter with veggies fried in appam molds (molds one would put on the stove) -infused with chutney..
21.bread slices toasted with potato masala (not too watery malasa) in a sandwich maker

Let's keep adding to the list.

Kumon woes

We should start a Kumon Parent support group for over achieving parents like us! It is a daily battle at our house esp. with the younger one. The older one is better at it nowadays. At one point, he used to shed tears at the very mention of the word. Now, we have made a deal. He only does his work at Kumon and I stop bothering him during the week. I have to sit with S, appeal to his good senses, cajole him and finally threaten him with consequences, when amid tears he will take out his Kumon folder.
I also have to constantly check on him to ensure he is not drawing eyes and ears to his numbers or sitting with his back facing the Kumon.
I've tried several methods such as "a constant/dedicated time", a quiet place, isolation, standing looking over his work.. nothing works. My resolve weakens before his does.

I've been coming home pretty late all last week. I return home late last Thursday evening and enquire about the younger one's homework and the conversation goes along the lines of:
Me: "S, how's your homework comin' along?"
S: "All done!"
S does not get much homework.. so I think that it must've been a day he had a substitute or they had a test..
Me: "Start on your Kumon. You have to do two days worth"
S: "Done -both days"
I'm pleasantly surprised.. thinking to myself.. Finally, S is getting responsible..
Me: "That's great S! I'm glad you did your Kumon!"
S: "Appa Made Me!"

There was a lot of feeling in the last remark... Hopefully all this effort is worth something in the long run!

Winter activities with kids

On days when it is cold outside, with none of the powdery stuff, we end up playing with the kids. D has an ongoing contract with A to play Monopoly (Trade). We just started on chinese checkers and checkers. Some past winters were spent in rockville ice sports -watching them skate. But they are now bored going round and round.. and would prefer to snowboard outside, except as S puts it "grass is showing!". I will probably take them to the indoor baseball practice and the pool. Weekends tend to get tougher with me wanting to stay indoors and do chores, while the kids are bored since they only get to watch one show and maybe 20 min of computer time each.
Of course, they could utilize this time to practice music... but that is asking too much of them at least in our house. They don't seem to be interested in painting and only pick up their legos at 10pm in order to delay bedtime.

kids fighting

My kids (boys) don't fight that much. Probably because I don't let them, which may be a bad thing. I intervene at the slightest sing of a fight.. an over-proective mother? I've protected the younger one from being taken advantage of, maybe keeping him younger in the process. I make up for the few times, he has been taken advantage of. If he is not included in a game, I buy one specifically to play with him. But I wonder.. should I just have gotten ear plugs or tuned into ipod and let them fi(ght)gure it out? At what age is it ok to stop protecting the little one?

Xmas time

It's been a while.. Over the years, we've gone from getting the kids multiple presents to none at all. Last year, I was in a "cannot accomodate one more non-consumable in this house" mood. We bargained with the kids (now that S is off the Santa's sled) that I would contribute to their account instead of useless gifts. We bought some toys to give to toys for tots and felt good all around.
This year, early on, A wised up and said -Amma, btw, I want gifts this year. Of course now they are specific about what they want. They know ps2 games etc are ootq (out of the question).. so, they come by with pictures or dvr images of what they want.
At least there will be something under our tree this year to complete the picture.

Raising Vegetarian Kids

For parents raised as vegetarians, it is common to wonder, should we raise our kids as vegetarians? Will they be able to eat when they are with friends or at restaurants? Is providing non-vegetarian meals a more practical option - school lunches would be less painful and grabbing a bite for them to eat before attending a dinner party is easier.


Practicality aside, are you comfortable with eating meat? If you and your spouse aren't, convincing your children to be vegetarians is really easy. Children are naturally compassionate to animals. Once they realize that a hot dog was once part of a pig, or that chicken nugget was once squawking around a farm, they really aren't going to want to eat it. We have been very frank with our children with the both the philosophical aspect of not eating meat as well as the health issues. We have posed the question of whether it is something they want to do, and they are quite confident with the decision as well as feel that it is their choice. I think the key is to make them realize that in the end it is their choice, because we won't always be their to monitor their food intake.

As for the practicality issue, it becomes a state of mind, most restaurants have vegetarian options, or are willing to put one together. It all depends on what you are willing to accept - I have had a meal of a head of broccoli and a baked potato at a steakhouse once. Makes for a good chuckle and it isn't the end of the world. Lunches have been very different experiences with my two kids. My younger son loves peanut butter sandwiches. He could have it everyday and not complain. Though he does enjoy having the vegetarian lunch options in school. My older son loves variety but doesn't care for the options in school. He likes having left over Indian or Chinese food for lunch. Or he will make noodles and add frozen vegetables to it. Not the greatest health option considering the sodium, but it gives him variety. Both my kids enjoy quesadillas and those I make cheddar cheese, and if I get my way I can sneak a few vegetables in it like onions, peppers, mushrooms, and spinach.

Any tips or issues you have experienced?

Spending quality time with children

I recently met a young mother on the metro. We got talking. She was lamenting on her long commute and her inability to spend time with her child. As a mohter of slightly older children, I've been there, done that! I get home quite late and my 4th grader does not start on homework before I get home. So I always stressed about not being able to spend time with him after I get home.
Here are some techniques that work for us.
1.Simplify esp. if I am tired - kids do not care if they eat rice and rasam or spagetti. They don't want to see an over-tired mother either.
2.On days I decide to cook, I use the time to get my younger one organized near me. Great time to help him with homework, while chopping or stirring. After the work is done, good to get the child to help with small stuff. Great opportunity for some kitchen rapport. I talk to my 7th grader about his day during this time also. Just ask a few questions and listen without commenting (hard part really).
3.After dinner is put away, make some time to play a game with the kids -at least on Fridays and Saturdays.
4.Another opportunity to talk is when driving kids to lessons or sports esp when only one is going. It's amazing how much my children enjoy this time!

What are some other techniques that work for you?

Kids and snax

snax are always a challenge with children esp. when they come home before the parent does. But even if the parent is home, it is hard to deal with spurts of hunger due to a. boredom or b. growth spurts.
I know fruits/celery/carrots are a good option. Believe me, I've tried and it doesn't cut it at our house. For fear of invasion from darwinian pests, I've had to give up offering a wide choice of fruit.

If you don't want to hand out the sugar bombs, you can try to have some frozen treats like mini samosas, indian spring rolls (our recent success story) etc. S seems to like ez-mac!! A will eat anything sugary or chocolaty!!

Middle schools don't help with the snack machine handy for growing pre-teens! We are unable to keep A from carrying change esp. since he has started to earn money from mowing.

comments abt what works for you welcome.

Exercise

Well this happened a couple days ago. S comes home from school and immediately calls me to tell me that his gym teacher told his class that they should practice situps and pushups at home. S says "you've got to help me". I said "ok.. What do you want me to do?", for which he replied, "Mmmm..." his face brightens up.. "Do whatever moms do to help their children with situps and pushups!". Indeed!

Well.. the result of that conversation in this blog. I supervised S with situps for a period of 2 minutes. But, hopefully I can put in a little more time into this blog.

until next time..