Karate class

I'd been chewing on enrolling the 9 year old in karate for a few years now. I know I am crazy to add one more thing to my list of things to do.. but it was a half hour class once or twice a week.. figure a pit stop on my way somewhere.

My reasons for karate was to improve neuromuscular coordination to my younger one. Not that he is dysfunctional.. probably my wanting to get him to be able to hurry up sometimes.

and it may help him stand up for himself when he is pushed. He is too much of a gentle soul..

A mother's protective instincts I su'pose.

Anyway, there are about 3-4 karate schools in the area.. Made an appointment for one since they refused to give me details over the phone. He had an intro lesson on courtesy and some basic taekwondo moves from the black belt student-turned instructor - who couldn't stop yawning the entire 45 minutes.. but S was impressed. He was eager to obey the master..

I was also interviewed as to why I wanted my son to learn Karate.
According to them, Karate helps with getting better grades at school due to the discipline it instils (my thoughts were "better than Ritilin")..
it helps them stay secure since they talk about not putting up with inappropriate behavior from others.. (having gone through the tough talk for cub scouts with S, I am more than happy to give it up to someone else)
It helps the kid get stronger (yah.. that's what I want..)
It helps them stay fit (nothing wrong with that!)
It gives them something to work towards with belt advancement (true)
It teaches them discipline by respoding to a parent's request for the first time, looking someone in the eye when talking etc.. (although I don't currently have a problem with the latter with S, I can emphatically relate to that complaint.. and any help with the former's gotta be good)

So.. do it.. it seems to be the magical cure to all evils..

But I had nagging doubts about their sincerity or their power to influence all of this. I was pushed into signing up that very day for 6 months.. which I resisted. I also resisted the free uniform push in lieu of one free month etc. I was never given accurate pricing, just how much I would save and what my initial check would be.. I got the feeling that this would be quite an investment.

In anycase, I called my neighbor and friend after I got home to ask where she was taking her son.. She warned me against this very place.. they'd recently dropped out after getting sucked in for 6 mo. Fees were set at whim depending on how deep you'd gotten yourself into. Belt exam fees were high (and of course which parent would not want their ward to go to a higher belt).

My insticts were right after all. But S is now disappointed. I thought to myself -what a shame it has to be like this..

I'm not impressed with another spot where a lot of his friends go. I see more brawn and very little discipline with the students. In fact, I feel the kids are much more aggressive because of it.

The place where the kids have gone off and on through the county is crowded -but the price is right.. in line with the amount of committment required from me to push S to practice. Plus it 's some activity even if he doesn't ever get to a black belt. plenty of time for that!

discouraging to say the least.. But it made me realize there is no magical cure. A lesson learned for me..

but looking at the "donut", I can work on the disciple part at home. I should be able to achieve at least 10% of what they are attempting since I have more at stake.

more jobs - business

The older one has announced that he really needs a job this summer. No more camps amma..

suits my pocketbook!

He made out coupons for "like frequent flyer rewards" car washes/lawn mowing etc and hands one signed and dated to his dad.

He washed both cars on a 40 deg day while I was predicting that I'd slip and slide the next morning in the aftermath of this car wash. Luckily, the wind was strong and mustve drived the water..

So.. now I have to listen to daily plans of "what I can do"... We happened to watch a Seinfeld where George loses his job because he tells off his boss and he mopes around with Seinfel as to "Maybe I could do..". One reason I'm such a Seinfeld fan!

Paying job

My older son has been wanting to work to get paid for the past few years.

He had gone through various iterations of this since he was young.

He had a lawn mowing business when he was only 6 years old. My neighbors would give him whatever change they had in the pockets.. sometimes a lot.

He took orders from my relatives for a wood table he was going to build for them -custom made.

He charged less than the material we had to buy, but then it wasn't his money buying the material. He made 100% profit! I soon put an end to the carpentry business since he was soon wanting to buy power tools so he could bump of the quantity of orders. I didn't trust a 10 year old with a power saw!

He then made flyers for a pet sitting business until I put my foot down - my opinion being pets are outside, we are inside.

He wanted to do the paper route. Knee jerk reaction from me -the speed bump- was "no". I am not getting up at 3am to drive you around. He then says, he would bike around. I don't see how that would work in a big city like ours.

Yesterday, he approached his kumon instructor, wanting to work there.. Poor lady, she was put on the spot, but she said she would think about it. To him, this sounded better than what he has been hearing from me.. So he now thinks he has a job!

On my way back, I talked to him about the slippery road he was riding on - both physically and metaphorically speaking last nite :) , how his studies would get affected etc etc. He goes, "aw.. no one cares about your grade if you're a millionaire!" What!! How does one get a million $$ with a "lemme think about it job at kumon!" Definitely this kid is not wanting in the "dreaming department".

He has asked for an allowance -firmly refused - off and on.. but hasn't been persistent. So, I know it is not the money that is the motivation! It is the Independence or the wanting to test waters at work.

Others that know him well have asked me not to slow him down -Americans mind you. This is definitely not an Indian mentality. I suppose that is how Michael Dells are made while Brahminis like me think about what we need to cook for dinner that nite.

helping (making) kids excel academically

Today's Washington Post had an article titled "One Dad's Campaign to Save America" by J.Matthews. It is about a dad who having travelled to India and China is on a mission to push his children to learn more and more to compete with
the Indian and Chinese kids, who he perceives are pushed by their parents to study much more than what is required of the school. The Dad's children are in private school and are doing well -but they get tutored after-school in order to excel.. Matthews assures his readers that Americans will always do whatever it takes to get to the top.
I don't know how it is in India now.. I suspect that kids there do a lot of school work.
Back when I was a kid, school was a breeze.. a bore sometimes for me.. I spent most of my childhood dreaming. I do wish I'd toiled more, learnt a little more when I had the time.. but I pay for it now, with mudiyor kalvi.
Seriously, I only understood what it meant to study when doing my BSc. and I grew out of my childhood doing my MA, where for the first time I was held accountable for everyone's mood swings.
Anyhoo.. as a videsi aka indian parent, I push my kids to study only because:
the public schools in early classes do not challenge the kids at all. Things are too easy. Some differentiation is offered to kids that've mastered the class material.
My older son, being one of the older kids in his class, one that benefitted immensely from montissori preschool (original intent for the preschool was to allow me to work and it was very close to our home), qualified for differentiated material, which was also too easy for him. Thus started my "encouragement" or "push". That's when we started him off with Kumon to help him learn something new.
I think I push mainly with sports since I found they were lacking some of the free exercises of my youth, such as climbing trees or running around playing marangotthi/mudugu puncture.
And of course, they have to have music.. That is a must in my opinion. So, having tried vocal carnatic with the older one with DK (absolute disaster since he refused to open his mouth), switching to Veena (ordering one from madras by mail) and dragged him to class an hour away.. finally figured it was too much for me.. I even did a stint at a conservatory based on a visiting musician's recommendation..
Anyway.. now they are doing western instruments locally - reluctantly- I might add. I am their practice police.
does that make me pushy? But I don't think what I do is to enable to beat others- to be the best.
I just don't think like that..
My desire is to do something for their sake, knowing the opportunity to learn is now. When they are older, it is really tough to pick up something new due to lack of time and timidness.
Anyway.. the link to the article is below:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/02/11/AR2008021100644.html?hpid=news-col-blog

chores

I am not a chore master.. god knows I've tried to be. My kids just ignore me or point fingers at each other.

why is he not doing anything huh.. pretending to do homework, that's what he is doing..
what about him, he is enjoying life on the sofa..
but.. he is doing so little, while I..

And the trash, forget it, neither will take out the (stinky -to them) thing!..

In the end rather than argue.. I give in. Once in a while, while I am doing dishes, I pick on whoever is within my eyesight to empty the clean dishes.

But, I realized that I am one of those needy persons. If i am cooking and the kids are around, they are asked to bring this from the refrigerator in the garage (unsavory task since it is too cold somedays) or get this/that for me etc. so much so, that the kids stay well away from me.. out of sight and hearing (easier nowadays with a itunes gizmo hanging from their ears)

hanh.. what did you say? you want what?

But I wonder if I should somehow persist - is doling out and ensuring that it gets done a parental responsibility? Am I somehow making my kids lazy by not assigning chores?

I have some friends who seem so much in control.. their kids have set chores like emptying dish washer, setting out trash and making their beds everyday, to vacuuming their rooms, cleaning out their rooms etc.

My kids share a bedroom - so I can't seem to say.. clean out your side of the bedroom -thereby creating a divide..
D makes their bed every morning and I pickup kids books andother debris strewn around when I get a chance, thinking they should be doing this..

Whenever D does chores, the kids seem to love hanging out and helping him. The older one gets paid in the summer to do the lawn - and ours is difficult to mow since it has swales.. He loves to shovel snow and can stay out with daddy doing that.. (doesn't last long when I shovel).

I wonder - is it a male bonding thing? hmm..

on the flip side, my older son will sit me down and make the family an entire meal of chappati flour in the shape of a cup or samosa, stuffed with veggies.. or one of his other concoctions. The younger one will bring me a foot rest, put my feet up, bring me a book to read and generally wait on me..

When I really need a room cleaned or something moved, they are ready to chip in and help.. like the marathon 3 hour cleaning that happened right before a cub scout meeeting I hosted, that I moved to the basement at the last minute since the kids were going to be painting.. both kids moved the earth to get us ready!

the older one has a stash of bulbs and will change out any he sees out without asking or being asked.. figured that out when we found a lot were popping. turns out he wasn't paying attention to the max. voltage, until D explained it to him.

still there is that nagging feeling - do regular chores really matter? Bah. it is too much of a chore to enfore compliance!!

Total Meltdown

Last night was a tough one.. Everyone stayed up too late Sunday nite watching superbowl.. I got home just in time to run my older one to the pool -from where I had to run him over to piano.. The little one was home, reading. D was cooking dinner.. Got home at 8:40 to have the older one call a classmate for homework assignment followed by a search for online textbook..
So, it was 9:30 when I turned my attention to the younger one, who had a tough homework - he had to conduct an interview of a parent and he was waiting for me.
The interview part went ok, joking all around.. especially the part when I told him I would sleep until 2:30pm and take midday naps before I had kids. He took "notes", a newly acquired skill, saying it had to be brief.
But, by the time it came time to putting the stuff down on paper, he was tired and found that his "notes" were a little too brief maybe.. but he bravely attempted. He had written a few words, before he had a total meltdown... saying how much he hated school work, where he had to work so hard, write so much and so on..
It threw me off totally.. I was tired also.. I should have supported him, hugged him.. but instead I told him off.. saying he was sitting on his work until this late and all of a sudden he starts crying.. while I had to go here, there..
After about a minute, I realized the child was just frustrated at the task at hand. So.. I sent him up to shower and bed, telling him I would wake him up 30 minutes early in the morning, when he could finish up.
He meekly complied. He was up and early in the morning (I guess appreciative of the fact that I didn't escalate the event) and finished up his work in under 10 minutes.
whoever said postponing makes matters worse..!

Nuggets..

Nuggets of advice from a mother to her child.. a life's lesson maybe.
Why now?
Just as food is most appreciated when one is hungry, some words make sense at certain points in life..
For whom?
These words cannot be appreciated by my children at this point in life.. but hopefully someone , somewhere may benefit.. and maybe one day my children will read these words.
So here goes..

One can only really control what one does. It is foolish to think one can control others. Even if you succeed, you may have won the battle, but lost the war.

There are a lot of unhappy people waiting for change in others or hoping to change others. My take would be to evaluate a situation on what you can do, accept what you have no control over or take action to situate yourself to what is comfortable for you. The world can use one less whiner.. (believe me, I'm one of those some days :)).