teenage

Can one say enough about this phase? I remember thinking to myself what a hype the "teen" phenomenon is.. and that my kid would not exhibit any of these dire predictions. After all, I don't remember having a particularly hard teen-time. Boy was I wrong..
I remember struggling with authority starting at around 13 years of age.. mostly me treating the kid still like a non-teen.. making decisions without consulting - after all 13 year old habit is hard to break. I remember getting upset when my plans were discarded just because.. I remember asking everyone who cared to listen "why the rebellion?" - seemed so unnecessary and self defeating. Tug of wars.. slammed doors.. random tears.. moodiness.. binge eating.. is this what the teen is all about!
Earlier, when the kid got into a fit, I gave him a timeout to get over it.. Now, I started the same technique, varying it only slightly in that when the kid got into a fit, I gave myself a timeout. When there was a willful act of "teen 'mis' behavior", I went shopping.
Then one day things started to click in my brain. What is happening is the need for more independence.. more involvement in decision making.. while at the same time, testing limits/rules that have been set for years to see if there would be consequences. Teen time is a time to hang out with their own friends, not children of parents' friends, not in a group of parents and children (which is ok once in a while).
What I've learned so far is to wait out an outburst, while being firm on rules. If rules get broken, do not bring up the topic right away, but wait until the child is relaxed and is able to listen to you. Believe it or not, the child knows very well that the rule is being broken and will only get more defensive if it is brought up at the time and may result in deterioration of the situation. Patience, a lot of patience on the part of the parent will get you through your kid's teen years. Helps if you are really busy with something else other than the child as the primary focus. Now would be a great time to take up your favorite hobby!!

Teenage

I'm having a hard time with my teen.. Duh! Anway, I happened to pick up a book called "Do hard things", a book written by 16 year old twins.. The 16 year olds had started a blog protesting against the societal culture encouraging teens to be under achievers, basically by condoning substandard attitude, by expecting less from teens, the society is doing the teens harm. My thoughts exactly.

I really believe the kids in middle school (grades 6-8 here) are capable of a lot more than we give them credit for. I think we need to start treating them as adults in some aspects. They demand more independence, give it to them along with the responsibility!

A background about the authors, Alex and Brett Harris, home schooled kids (Duh!), religious. Apparently their dad gave them a whole stack of books to read for summer and they got inspired. I tried to get my older son to read this one book, which he flatly refused. Of course, if I hadn't asked him to, he would have read it just because it was around. my kids are obviously not home schooled.. However, I've read excerpts to my younger son. yet to finish the book even though it is an easy read, just think it has been written by kids, for kids.