took me a while to write this because I was haunted by the scene.. Am I over reacting or being unusually sensitive. you be the judge. All I know is it hit a sensitive nerve in me.
Scene is a metro station in DC. It was after rush hour and spring break in some parts of the country. Several tourists with little and not so little children.
I see two families with 4 children ranging from ages say 5-9 traveling together. The board reads that a train is due to arrive in 5 minutes. The children are curious and go near the edge to peer over. They are within the safety line demarcated by officials visually.. so really speaking safe for the moment unless they lunge forward.. or do something stupid.
The parents ask that the children step back.. and they do. but one little girl (about 6) does not. The mother then tells her that she only has to say something once and that she would have to teach the girl to obey. She yanks the little girl by her hair and pulls her to the adults.
The girl is then seen silently crying hiding behind the father. The father looks helpless. Yes, it must have hurt to be yanked like that, but what really hurt the little girl is being treated like that, losing face in front of strangers, friends or cousins or whoever.. I guess the father took the easy way out rather than stand up to his kid!! I know mothers are worried, stressed etc etc.. but wasn't there a better way to get the kid to be near you. After all, you are only about 2 feet from the kid!
The scene is imprinted in my brain, serving as a lesson for me to not yell or treat my children badly over anything, especially stupid things like grades, homework, dawdling.. God knows they are kids for only a short time!
Friday, May 8, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
excuses of a poet
Poetry assignment requires the child write 10 peoms. This is classwork done over a period of time. By the end of the quarter, my 5th grader submitted 4 peoms. Teacher is disappointed and asks why this happened, to which he just shrugs. So, the teacher sends me an email and I ask my son why he did not respond to the teacher.
He just shrugs. By then I am frustrated also trying to delve into the root of the problem.
I then say to him "you should have some excuse.. you ran out of time or.. a writer's block..."
He: "yeah, I ran out of time, ok?"
Me:"Understood! if you gave me that excuse after doing 9 or 9.5 poems, great! not with just 4!"
He: Mmm. how about a "poet's block?" Will you accept that?
I gave up! go figure!
He just shrugs. By then I am frustrated also trying to delve into the root of the problem.
I then say to him "you should have some excuse.. you ran out of time or.. a writer's block..."
He: "yeah, I ran out of time, ok?"
Me:"Understood! if you gave me that excuse after doing 9 or 9.5 poems, great! not with just 4!"
He: Mmm. how about a "poet's block?" Will you accept that?
I gave up! go figure!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
copyright infringement indeed
I had to write this down before I forgot. My younger son, a 5th grader, is an avid reader, but, when it comes to his writing skills, there is plenty of room for improvement. It is not bad, but it takes him a long time to write neatly. And teacher from school would like him to work on his writing due to a recent incident with an incomplete poetry project.. (another story in itself).
Anyway, I decide it is high time I implement the handwriting task I've been threatening him with all these months. So, willy nilly, at 1015pm, we sit down after finding a fresh notebook. I said I'd dictate while folding the laundery -killing two birds in one so to speak. Then I had a brainwave, "let's do the book you're required to read, that way, we can kill three birds in one!!" I said. The said book was not to be found anywhere.. After about 15 minutes of searching, we finally find it and sit down again at 1040pm. He is super sleepy by then and I am sleepier still.. But, I am also determined.
I bring out the laundery and start dictation. After about 4 sentences, my younger son asks, "amma.. isn't it illegal to copy out of a copyrighted book? I think it is called copyright infringement or something." Nice Try Mister.. were I not so tired, I'd have laughed and hugged my son, not just barked out that "we are not trying to sell the first 4 lines of the book, please get on with it." or somthing to that effect.
I did give him a break though! He wrote down a couple more sentences and we both went to bed happy to have at least made the attempt.
Anyway, I decide it is high time I implement the handwriting task I've been threatening him with all these months. So, willy nilly, at 1015pm, we sit down after finding a fresh notebook. I said I'd dictate while folding the laundery -killing two birds in one so to speak. Then I had a brainwave, "let's do the book you're required to read, that way, we can kill three birds in one!!" I said. The said book was not to be found anywhere.. After about 15 minutes of searching, we finally find it and sit down again at 1040pm. He is super sleepy by then and I am sleepier still.. But, I am also determined.
I bring out the laundery and start dictation. After about 4 sentences, my younger son asks, "amma.. isn't it illegal to copy out of a copyrighted book? I think it is called copyright infringement or something." Nice Try Mister.. were I not so tired, I'd have laughed and hugged my son, not just barked out that "we are not trying to sell the first 4 lines of the book, please get on with it." or somthing to that effect.
I did give him a break though! He wrote down a couple more sentences and we both went to bed happy to have at least made the attempt.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Power of a label
Took a while, but it finally hit us. The pull of name brands. When my older son was little, his pediatrician told us to indulge him w/ name brand shoes since they would minimize his slight outward turn of his feet. He mentioned that that was one area where we'd want to give in to pressure. My thoughts then, what pressure.. ? my kids wear what I buy.. maybe girls were more demanding.
Well, finally my older son asked for a northface jacket.. I normally buy their clothes at target or kohls. So, I thought I'd take a look at nf. The jacket he wanted was so ordinary.. lands end had a better deal for a better jacket. Excitedly, I showed him the "winter sale".. But no, he wanted nf, even tho' we couldnt really find his size. The biggest kids jacket would be a tad bit too small on the wrist. "You know, I need to be able to stand up to other kids with their nice clothes etc" "I can't be the worst dressed in the entire class" (all this when newspapers are full of articles about how teachers are funding some of the kids' weekend meals.. and I can personally attest to the tripling of prices of groceries in our area!)
Anyways, I buckled in after a couple months of negotiating.. I wanted to order from an online vendor.. But no, apparently these online vendors sold jackets that were fake.. the proof was that the logo was only on the front, not front and back!! the only place to go was to nf.com.. (more $$$) "now you know why this other site is offering it for a discounted price!"
I stood my ground, promising to return a single faced logo jacket. When it came, my son tried it on -once.. it was too short on the wrist as we predicted. And it had two logos!! "Aw.. I can't wear that!".. alright.. now I have to do an RMA to return the stupid jacket!
when little brother (smarty pants) pipes in "you should've known it was fake when it said "Northface" on both sides" Shouldn't it have said "Southface on one side and Northface on the other?"...
oh well there are some light moments to parenting after all.. how else can a parent come out of this experience still loving their children!
Well, finally my older son asked for a northface jacket.. I normally buy their clothes at target or kohls. So, I thought I'd take a look at nf. The jacket he wanted was so ordinary.. lands end had a better deal for a better jacket. Excitedly, I showed him the "winter sale".. But no, he wanted nf, even tho' we couldnt really find his size. The biggest kids jacket would be a tad bit too small on the wrist. "You know, I need to be able to stand up to other kids with their nice clothes etc" "I can't be the worst dressed in the entire class" (all this when newspapers are full of articles about how teachers are funding some of the kids' weekend meals.. and I can personally attest to the tripling of prices of groceries in our area!)
Anyways, I buckled in after a couple months of negotiating.. I wanted to order from an online vendor.. But no, apparently these online vendors sold jackets that were fake.. the proof was that the logo was only on the front, not front and back!! the only place to go was to nf.com.. (more $$$) "now you know why this other site is offering it for a discounted price!"
I stood my ground, promising to return a single faced logo jacket. When it came, my son tried it on -once.. it was too short on the wrist as we predicted. And it had two logos!! "Aw.. I can't wear that!".. alright.. now I have to do an RMA to return the stupid jacket!
when little brother (smarty pants) pipes in "you should've known it was fake when it said "Northface" on both sides" Shouldn't it have said "Southface on one side and Northface on the other?"...
oh well there are some light moments to parenting after all.. how else can a parent come out of this experience still loving their children!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Teenage
I'm having a hard time with my teen.. Duh! Anway, I happened to pick up a book called "Do hard things", a book written by 16 year old twins.. The 16 year olds had started a blog protesting against the societal culture encouraging teens to be under achievers, basically by condoning substandard attitude, by expecting less from teens, the society is doing the teens harm. My thoughts exactly.
I really believe the kids in middle school (grades 6-8 here) are capable of a lot more than we give them credit for. I think we need to start treating them as adults in some aspects. They demand more independence, give it to them along with the responsibility!
A background about the authors, Alex and Brett Harris, home schooled kids (Duh!), religious. Apparently their dad gave them a whole stack of books to read for summer and they got inspired. I tried to get my older son to read this one book, which he flatly refused. Of course, if I hadn't asked him to, he would have read it just because it was around. my kids are obviously not home schooled.. However, I've read excerpts to my younger son. yet to finish the book even though it is an easy read, just think it has been written by kids, for kids.
I really believe the kids in middle school (grades 6-8 here) are capable of a lot more than we give them credit for. I think we need to start treating them as adults in some aspects. They demand more independence, give it to them along with the responsibility!
A background about the authors, Alex and Brett Harris, home schooled kids (Duh!), religious. Apparently their dad gave them a whole stack of books to read for summer and they got inspired. I tried to get my older son to read this one book, which he flatly refused. Of course, if I hadn't asked him to, he would have read it just because it was around. my kids are obviously not home schooled.. However, I've read excerpts to my younger son. yet to finish the book even though it is an easy read, just think it has been written by kids, for kids.
Parents or tyrants?
Just got done with a book titled "A l'heure de la premiere etoile". It is about a character Lucien, and his relationship with his daughter and son. The son leaves home one day without taking leave and the daughter visits once in a while, out of a sense of duty.
Lucien finally figures out that he had done wrong by his children, in trying to make them live like he did.. take up his farm. He never listened to what his children liked or disliked, rather ruled like a tyrant, without having to raise his voice.
Good read in any case.. raised some issues in self! I look around me and feel that kids are rather homogeneous, girls go to dance class, music class, (piano is popular!) boys to karate; every asian kid sorta goes to kumon, some sports in the picture.. tennis maybe.. and of course dinners every weekend either at neighbors or at an indian/italian restaurant.
My older son finally broke down and told me he never really liked piano.. of course he wanted to learn at one point and begged to go since his friends were all learning.. but I am relieved that he realized he never really liked it and was able to tell me so. I think having just finished the above book, I was more receptive to what he had to say and didn't internalize his works as a failure on my part.
My parents never had to face these issues since the only class I was forced to go to was the dreadful typewriting class when I was in college. I still shudder how I never managed to get the forms right. I took up music on and off, ok more off than on (but then I was never driven there and watched over by my parents).
Lucien finally figures out that he had done wrong by his children, in trying to make them live like he did.. take up his farm. He never listened to what his children liked or disliked, rather ruled like a tyrant, without having to raise his voice.
Good read in any case.. raised some issues in self! I look around me and feel that kids are rather homogeneous, girls go to dance class, music class, (piano is popular!) boys to karate; every asian kid sorta goes to kumon, some sports in the picture.. tennis maybe.. and of course dinners every weekend either at neighbors or at an indian/italian restaurant.
My older son finally broke down and told me he never really liked piano.. of course he wanted to learn at one point and begged to go since his friends were all learning.. but I am relieved that he realized he never really liked it and was able to tell me so. I think having just finished the above book, I was more receptive to what he had to say and didn't internalize his works as a failure on my part.
My parents never had to face these issues since the only class I was forced to go to was the dreadful typewriting class when I was in college. I still shudder how I never managed to get the forms right. I took up music on and off, ok more off than on (but then I was never driven there and watched over by my parents).
Monday, January 19, 2009
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