alright, this is part II because I realized I'd veered off the article I was citing.. totally.. So, getting back on track..
The news article talked about the number of AP classes the kids of overachieving parents were taking in high school and in college - and the types of colleges these kids were getting into. These kids were into multiple sports such as swimming, lacrosse, tennis, holding down babysitting and other jobs, volunteering, playing in chess leagues and getting homework/projects done for challenging classes - at the cost of a few less hours of sleep. The kids thrive on a full schedule, with parents participating in peripheral support activities. All towards gaining a foothold in an ivy league school, where they'll have to slog even more.
This hits a raw nerve for me.. My kids are not in High school yet.. but my 7th grader has some HS credits already. And I've been told that he needs to take AP classes in HS in order to secure a place in a good school. I know I don't want to spend $$$$ towards college tuition.. so my preference would be for him to get at least part scholarship. And, I definitely can see myself wanting him to go to a good school -though I dont really know how to discern this having studies abroad.
But, I know this, my older son did not do well in a magnet program in 4/5 grade, esp in 5th grade, a year he missed a lot of school due to family reasons and the curriculum was so rigorous that he never made up the classes he missed. And he felt a lot of pressure from other overachieving kids in his class, not because he was any worse or better, just because he did not want to do the level of work to compete with them. He is much happier in a regular middle school in 6/7th grade with a heavier schedule that some others.. He does not get straight As, but loves to learn and pushes himself to do better. He learns around his subjects, gaining depth, taking time to explore, make mistakes, learn from his mistakes. He does push me in the sense he wants to do so much. Yes, that does put him into the "overachieving" bucket, but I feel this is different.. He doesn't target his activities towards his chosen track.. but rather enjoys challenging himself, be it in sports or puttering around making tasers from wood and nails, sewing pillows for foot rest or cooking tv dinners for the family. And he does volunteer at an animal shelter because I wouldn't let him have a pet at home..
There are days I search myself to see if I am somehow doing damage in the long term.. I urge him to get 8 hours of sleep each day at the very least and limit his sport to one team sport and swimming for exercise. I almost never sit down w/ him for homework or even monitor his tests/assignments. But we do get busy with two kids doing the music/sports/homework and the younger one in scouting.
Is this justified? Sanity check.
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2 comments:
I think there is a huge difference when your child wants to do so much vs. a parent dragging the child and placing pressure on them to do well on all those activities. If my son were pushing to do something "positive", I would find it very hard to say no. Though as parents, we have to assess how much our child is capable of handling along with what we need to do to support them on the activity (driving them around, purchases, etc.)
I guess there is also the emotional factor of, will my negative response break their spirit and enthusiasm.
My thoughts are that they only have a narrow window of time to experiment esp now with about 5 years before college. It's much harder to experiment as an adult with the additional demands of a job etc.
But you are right in that the child will have to learn to be persistent to get what he wants.. I know most kids have that skill given they take every opportunity to negotiate for PS2 and TV time.
On the flip side, I know I've had to put a brake on a lot of things which still popup occasionally (ie, paintball, lacrosse, ice hockey, a horse, a dog or at least a cat for a pet) - some of which are doable, but not to my liking. Unfortunately, I realize I use my power, my position to deny them some legitimate experiences.. while pushing down their throats what I feel are skills they should acquire.
parenting is a lot of trial and errors..
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