Rules

Lessons learned after 10+ years of struggling as a parent: (far from perfect still of course since like prokaryotes, they morph).

Rules work to set expectations
Explain consequences and be brave about enforcing consequences
- some slack is ok and desirable to get away from military-type operations.
You can even get your children involved in making rules
Some rules are non-negotiable
limit the number of rules to less than 10 (pick your battles)

Parent has to follow rules also in our house to make it work for us. For example, no TV on weekdays means no TV for parents also. Lights out at 10 means we wind up and go up, although they know we read for a while longer..