It's been a learning experience for me to watch my kids grow in a foriegn country. Making friends has its challenges anyway, but it is more difficult (I think) when two kids are from different cultures. But, since we moved to where we currently are, my kids have been more at home since there is a big Indian population in our community.
So much so, that I've had one father comment to me that he is worried his son only has Indian friends and so he encouraged his son to mingle more and bring his other American and Chinese friends home for play dates.
I've never chosen my kids' friends, or so I thought -until I realized that I'd unconsciously been socializing with other Indian parents from my sons' schools over the years -sorta forcing a friendship there.
As it turned out, my older son has had other kids' around who he obligingly played with, even if they were of different temperament and had vastly different interests.
Now that he is older, he is putting his foot down and verbalizing who he wants over and who he will be polite to during a visit. That puts a damper on my entertaining and I struggle with having to make choices between which of my friends I can see etc. One option would be to have just the adults socialize in a configuration that is feasible I suppose.
But, my younger one is more gregarious and loves to have all kids over except when he is trying to pretend to be like his brother.
Meanwhile, my older son says he likes it best when he is out playing with his friends in an outdoor sport like basketball, tennis etc - a barb at my confiscation of PS2. D agrees that boys have to play a sport or PS2 to socialize unlike girls who can just get together talk, giggle, paint nails.. So, the pressure is on to bring out PS2!
But to limit playing the video game, we have to cut down the socializing anyways -since playing one day at ours and another day at yet anothers' and so on is too much.
Luckily, that works for my schedule currently. But come summer, it's going to take some creative thinking on my part!!
Come to think of it, my parents never socialized or met my (nor my siblings') friends' parents!!! We turned out ok -right!?
Parenting stories, techniques to eke efficiencies out of everyday activities, tips and tricks to work with your child(ren) are welcome. Plan is to keep it light and enjoyable to read.
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2 comments:
I have never really considered which of my friends to have over based on their children, except for maybe their birthday parties. I have been kind of lazy lately in calling people over, but remembering way back when, when I used to call people over, it was generally based on groups of how we know each other, college, neighbors, family friends, etc.
As for going to other people's houses, if there are no boys there, or boys of their age or of their liking, my kids will typically fuss. Currently, my theory is that, we don't always get to pick the people we work with or interact with, but it makes life a lot easier if you learn how to effectively interact with people whether you like them or not. Perhaps in a couple of years, I will not be able to "force" them to come, but while I can, I would rather they come and socialize with others even if their version of socializing is vying for the remote to the video game.
My brother used to be able to stay home as a teenager, but once he went to college and would come home to visit, he all of sudden was ok with going to my parents friend's homes. So perhaps that teenage phase tends to include anti-social preferences. As for me, I always had to go to their friend's house, because, "I was a girl".
Sujatha,
I guess the difference for some immigrant families is that we may not have the college friends or family friends -since one may not have gone to college here per se (me and others who may have perhaps moved to the US after having been married to a US resident).
D is not one who calls his friends over from college or from his cricket group. We go over sometimes to their houses and I feel bracketed with the kids'. It's uneasy at best with small talk -not to be seen or heard from for a couple more years. I attributed this to my "working mom" status or "mom with older kids who doesn't want to revisit delivery-room" phase.
While I'm definitely not a social butterfly, I like people who are comfortable in a gathering.
So, I guess the folks I have over have traditionally been families from A and S's schools - mainly Indians.
I have colleagues or ex-colleagues over once in a while and we all have a good time even if some of us meet very rarely.
I've chewed on calling neighbors over but resisted since I don't want to explain what each dish is and have them gingerly try it etc. I prefer full enjoyment of a meal prepared I suppose, which my non-Indian friends, few who visit, are comfortable.
I can survive this obviously, but wondering how the kids feel.. and introspecting somewhat -that's all.
Obviously, the few friends of my kids who've persisted through the years are due to my kids' asking to have over, sleep over..
Maybe I'm pondering because the only folks who stayed for lunch/dinner at our house growing up were relatives who visited whenever (sometimes preceded by a telegram/postcard the previous day saying they were coming and staying for a week) or my dad's friends who seldom brought their family over.
At my grandpa's house in Tambaram, all non-family members chatted for a few minutes in the veranda sofa and left! They didn't ever get as far as the koodam, where a giant swing was!!
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